How To Make Rugby Harder

Rugby is challenging enough as it is. However, I’ve found a way to make it even more challenging! Be completely unprepared.

Here’s my checklist of the things I need to do in order to be ready to play.

  • Get cleats and soccer socks
  • Get a mouth guard
  • Get “Chuy” examined and removed
  • Wear a sports bra
  • Get contact lenses

Cleats, Soccer Socks and the Gym Bag

Even though I told my folks I wasn’t going to play rugby anymore, perhaps there was a chance that somewhere in the house (on the East Coast) they kept my gear. While they checked my closet, I played in sneakers and put my extra junk in a grocery bag.

fritos corn chips, funky smell
“Who stinks like corn chips?” It’s been asked before.

But my old stuff got thrown out and it was time to get new hot cleats. Probably a good thing as the old stuff likely smelled like corn chips and not in a good way.

Mouth Guard

This I certainly wished I kept. Not the rinky-dinky self-molding mouth guard you get for $10 bucks, but made by my folks (did I mention they are dentists?) back when I was a goalie in, yikes, high school. My teeth have likely shifted since then. So now it’s time to find a dentist willing to take a mold of my teeth but not make the mouth guard. No one can beat the “uh, yea, my folks are dentists and will do this for me” price.

Chuy, Our Time Has Come to an End

Have you met Chuy? Well, it may be too late now to get acquainted. Chuy, a Hispanic nickname for Jesus, is what I’ve called my Bible cyst, or Ganglion cyst, and either way it’s time for him to go. Apparently, doctors used to smash them with Bibles to get them to pop. Get it? Bible Cyst – Jesus/Chuy?!

Moving on …

bible cyst
His name is Chuy, but the honeymoon is over.

Last time I went to a hand surgeon he tried to pop it with his bare hands and I yelped in pain. I’ve got to get back (to another hand surgeon!) and see if it can get aspirated. Or it will get popped in a tackle.

So, whatever happens first.

Wear A Sports Bra

For us blessed women, this can’t be over-emphasized. However, like a moron, I went to practice without one. No tackling for me that day. :: tears ::

Get Contact Lenses

I’m legally blind without corrective lenses. But, because I’m unprepared, I do not have contact lenses.

Playing with glasses in rugby is like a gigantic bullseye on the face. Although, after being designated to hold the pads to practice rucks the glasses don’t stay on for very long. It’s a good way for the girls to judge how well they’re hitting the pads based on how far my glasses go flying.

Thanks to Pearle Vision who told me my contacts were ordered and en route, which they were not, I had to order them again — elsewhere.

In the interim, practice looks like this:

women rugby blurry artistic photo
Pretty to you? What I see all the time without glasses.

On a side note: Pearle Vision, you stink.


4 thoughts on “How To Make Rugby Harder

  1. haha but don’t undermine how far you’ve come…
    1. attain an awesome nickname. check.
    2. be one of the few who show up to practice on a regular basis. check
    3. have a good attitude and laugh at stupid jokes made by endearing teammate. check.

    :) yay rugby!

    • “So, I’ve got that going for me — which is nice.”

      Your jokes are hilarious. Even when I don’t get them.

      Exhibit A: The Facebook collages and the T.H.F*ing Ghost.

      But even more when I do: “…oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling. I can’t take it anymore!”

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