Rappelling down a steep ravine, jumping over fire and crawling in the mud underneath barbed wire — these are some of the obstacles of the upcoming Warrior Dash. And I’m stoked. Well, sorta. Unfortunately, there’s this whole bit about needing to run 3.5 miles to get to the obstacles.
To reference a random quote from Gob of Arrested Development: “I’ve made a huge mistake.” It would be a bigger-than-huge mistake if not for rugby to offer some endurance training, running, cardio and getting used to what Arizona dirt feels like — hard, dry and covered in rocks.
Said another way, training is not off to a good start. About two weeks ago (perhaps the day I signed up for the Warrior Dash), I hopped onto the treadmill and ran for 35 minutes or 2.2 miles. I was convinced that I could have gone further if not for my rookie mistake of wearing short-shorts (hey, I’m in my house!) and with the friction generated between these thunder thighs I could have created a decent enough campfire. Then today I ran for 30 minutes or, ahem, 1.56 miles. The strategy this time was to keep a slower pace and endure to 3.5 miles. Not a part of the plan was the dog’s interest in the treadmill and a call from a good friend.
Some of you (friends and, especially, family) are giving the monitor a sideways glance and shrugging shoulders as if to say “Why? Why are you doing this?”
Watch this and tell me why in the hell not?
Aside from the running, look at all the fun stuff that’s in-store.
- Tunnels of Terror: burrowing through black tunnels. Hopefully no one in front of me feels inclined to eat a breakfast burrito that morning. Frrrt.
- Sand Trap: running through mounds of sand. Meh.
- Lumber Jacked: crossing over staggering logs. That may be a problem for these short, stumpy legs.
- Junkyard Jam: stampeding through a scrap yard of rusty cars.
- Cliffhanger: rappel down a steep ravine. Bonus points if able to remember and recite a line from Stalone’s movie. “You’re not gonna die!”
- Knee High Hell: running over them tires. Woooo!
- Cargo Climb: climbing cargo net. Sounds harmless, I’ll probably hate it.
- Warrior Wall: jumping over a wall.
- Hay Fever: hustling and bustling over giant straw bales.
- Warrior Roast: leaping over fire. FIRE!
- Muddy Mayhem: scrambling underneath barbed wire in the mud. Glorious, glorious mud.
If I’m crazy enough to want to run it, what about the organization that puts it together each year and all over the globe? I know very little about Red Frog Events, mostly due to their insistance in keeping an all flash website with no clear navigation, but I do know that they run the Warrior Dash, the Great Urban Race and Beach Palooza. I also know that they have one hell of a benefit’s package — every 5 years employees can take a fully paid 4-week sabbatical with one other person of their choice or their spouse and kids AND the trip has to be in either South America, Europe, Africa or Asia.
With an incentive like that, putting together these events has to be a huge undertaking. Well, I’ve not crossed the finish line yet but I raise my stein do you Red Frog for what I’m sure is going to be a killer time.
Did I mention that I’ll also get some free beer and wicked cool hat?