Carousel Of Friends

According to my father, you can count your true friends on one hand.  There were a lot of things my folks said that are just now starting to resonate. Guess I should log this away for my future self that parenting isn’t synonymous with instant gratification. Here comes your validation, Dad: You were right. 

A Once Social Butterfly

Middle and high school, man oh man, was I rambunctious! And, not surprising, I had a gaggle of friends. Dad laid down this gem on me and I was flabbergasted. Did he not see the Best Friends Forever charm necklace I was wearing?

Hanging Out With Ma Buddies
Yeah. We were cool. Real cool.

And then came college and hanging out was the curriculum. While I didn’t admit it to myself, my wide net of close-knit friends were getting more intimate.

Care Bear Stare
Together we could do anything. Like cram for an exam or beer pong.

Then graduation came, I got hitched, and moved across country. And goramit (if you get that reference and think it’s awesome, you cool. We can hang.), it is so much harder to make friends as an adult especially when you’ve left all your social circles behind.

Jayne from Firefly
Meeting new people and trying to make friends as an adult does take some courage.

Friendships Are Hard

I’m adulting now and there are benefits like happy hours and going out for a dance class if I want to. Now wait a minute! Creating and maintaining friendships feels a lot like work. Remember the whole I’m an adult now, thing? Well, there are some drawbacks: chores (that apparently never go away), working for that paycheck, hanging with the hubbs (less adulting and more because I want to, hence why I married him).

John Cleese with a pig from Monty Python
Excuses, excuses and more lame excuses.

I don’t have the time to cultivate the friendships that came so easily before.

Ephinany time! (Sing like “Hammer Time”!) Perhaps the friendships that came together so effortlessly before also fell by the wayside just as easily because the bonds were superficial.  The hard work to make a friendship special also makes it more like that the relationship will last.

Cute toddler cries into her cereal

And that’s why the next part stings.

Saying Goodbye And Thanks For All The Fish Memories

I’ve had some friendships that just abruptly stopped. Maybe I got dumped. Maybe things changed in their or our lives and we just weren’t compatible. “But what about all that time I invested?!”, my ego wants to shout.

Well, bringing it full circle, I guess those folks just won’t be counted off on my right hand. And that’s OK.

Slow time lapse of a flower blooming in black and white
Peace comes from within

And so now I offer up some reconciliation (to myself):

Dear former friend – we don’t talk anymore and I miss that. I miss the varied topics we’d discuss and how you challenged me as a person. I miss that this chapter in our lives is over but I’m OK with it now. I want to thank you for all the lovely memories and all the lessons you’ve imparted.  My wish for you is that you are healthy, happy and at peace. 

Sincerely,

Martita signature

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8 thoughts on “Carousel Of Friends

  1. So beautifully written and expressed. Though the number of friends may decrease in adulthood, the quality and essence of people who matter in our lives are often deeper and richer, with space around the relationship to have time for personal growth.

  2. This is a true lesson of life. The circle of friends changes to the shape of a cone…. smaller circle on top but with a deep center.😉

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