Carousel Of Friends

According to my father, you can count your true friends on one hand.  There were a lot of things my folks said that are just now starting to resonate. Guess I should log this away for my future self that parenting isn’t synonymous with instant gratification. Here comes your validation, Dad: You were right. 

A Once Social Butterfly

Middle and high school, man oh man, was I rambunctious! And, not surprising, I had a gaggle of friends. Dad laid down this gem on me and I was flabbergasted. Did he not see the Best Friends Forever charm necklace I was wearing?

Hanging Out With Ma Buddies
Yeah. We were cool. Real cool.

And then came college and hanging out was the curriculum. While I didn’t admit it to myself, my wide net of close-knit friends were getting more intimate.

Care Bear Stare
Together we could do anything. Like cram for an exam or beer pong.

Then graduation came, I got hitched, and moved across country. And goramit (if you get that reference and think it’s awesome, you cool. We can hang.), it is so much harder to make friends as an adult especially when you’ve left all your social circles behind.

Jayne from Firefly
Meeting new people and trying to make friends as an adult does take some courage.

Friendships Are Hard

I’m adulting now and there are benefits like happy hours and going out for a dance class if I want to. Now wait a minute! Creating and maintaining friendships feels a lot like work. Remember the whole I’m an adult now, thing? Well, there are some drawbacks: chores (that apparently never go away), working for that paycheck, hanging with the hubbs (less adulting and more because I want to, hence why I married him).

John Cleese with a pig from Monty Python
Excuses, excuses and more lame excuses.

I don’t have the time to cultivate the friendships that came so easily before.

Ephinany time! (Sing like “Hammer Time”!) Perhaps the friendships that came together so effortlessly before also fell by the wayside just as easily because the bonds were superficial.  The hard work to make a friendship special also makes it more like that the relationship will last.

Cute toddler cries into her cereal

And that’s why the next part stings.

Saying Goodbye And Thanks For All The Fish Memories

I’ve had some friendships that just abruptly stopped. Maybe I got dumped. Maybe things changed in their or our lives and we just weren’t compatible. “But what about all that time I invested?!”, my ego wants to shout.

Well, bringing it full circle, I guess those folks just won’t be counted off on my right hand. And that’s OK.

Slow time lapse of a flower blooming in black and white
Peace comes from within

And so now I offer up some reconciliation (to myself):

Dear former friend – we don’t talk anymore and I miss that. I miss the varied topics we’d discuss and how you challenged me as a person. I miss that this chapter in our lives is over but I’m OK with it now. I want to thank you for all the lovely memories and all the lessons you’ve imparted.  My wish for you is that you are healthy, happy and at peace. 

Sincerely,

Martita signature

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Hairy Adventures — A Success Story

Curly, unruly hair. That’s what I have. And I’ve been growing it out for 11 years. Why 11 years? Why the heck not?

sweetums muppet
Before.

Ok, in truth, when I fist started dating the hubby-then-boyfriend, he told me that he liked long curly hair and I admitted that I did too but due to a series of misadventures my hair was never longer than shoulder length.

First Misadventure — I Still Love You Grandma

One sticky summer evening my grandmother was cutting the men’s hair — Grandfather’s, Dad’s, my cousin’s and my brother’s. Perhaps my hair was getting a little unruly again and she offered me $20 to cut my hair. I was a little apprehensive but the notion of making an easy twenty won out. I sat in the yellow step-ladder and watched as clumps of hair started to fall away and on to the kitchen floor. A little at first. Then gradually more and more.

Unbeknownst to me, Grandma didn’t have much experience cutting little girl’s hair and was having a time of it trying to get the two sides of my head even. The right side was too short so she’d overcompensate on the left. Up and up she went until my hairstyle looked just like my brother’s, but lopsided.

Bring on the teasing as only elementary boys could do!

Keep Your Free Haircut Gift Certificates

Fast forward a couple of years of not liking any hairstylist as they insist on cutting my hair wet and then too short and not understand my sour face as I sport the mushroom-bob. Until, one day, my mother showed me she had a free gift certificate to a hair salon and I should consider using it.

The hair must have been unruly again and so I took it.

Upon entering the salon that was tucked away next to a Chinese restaurant and dry cleaners, I noticed there were a lot of itty-bitty’s and blue-haired up-dos. Where are all the college pukes, like me? I wondered. First red flag.

But I did not bolt for the door. Instead I showed my free gift certificate and said I just wanted a trim. After sitting in the chair, I don’t remember much except for the steel spikey brush of death that this 70+ woman with a beehive doo used to blow out my hair with after, again, cutting my hair too short. With each passing of the brush, she dug the steel spikes in my scalp and told me how much she loathed her husband, how eager she was for him to die and so on and so forth.

That day I did not find my voice. That day I looked something like this:
guy electrocuted with spiky smoking hair

I did what was only natural and paid the crazy lady, drove to my mom’s office to show her what she had done to me. Naturally.

A Success Story. Finally.

Today I went to a Tony and Guy salon as I knew the hair was getting a little unruly and sweetums-like. (Reference first image.) Being completely spontaneous I went in to the salon, as a walk-in! and grilled my hairstylist. After answering all the questions correctly and sharing above horror stories I sat in the chair and nearly fell asleep.

I lost four very crunchy inches.

Littlest Martha hair cut
Success! (Holy crap- no make up! Just look at the hair.)

And she styled it. They call this beachy-curls.

Littlest Martha beachy hair, back of head
Not bad. Not bad at all.

Far out.