I can remember a time when parents, neighbors and grandparents weren’t on Facebook. I can remember a time when high schools weren’t on the social network even. But things are changing and while SNL has captured the delicate balance of “oh crap, my parents are online,” they’re merely scratching the surface of the love/hate relationship with Facebook users.
Once an Acquaintance, Always an Acquaintance
Hey, acquaintance who I knew in high school, this is going to sound shallow, because it is: I only became friends with you on Facebook so I could see the pictures of you and your little fat babies. This does not mean that I invite you to post comments to everything I write. We didn’t talk in high school. I don’t really want to talk now.
And before you get offended, I know you wanted to be friends with me so you could do the same thing.
But I wouldn’t mind talking with you if you talked like a normal person. No one says: “I too am a fan of cheese. O’ delicious, savory creamy cheese. Mind you, I’m not referring just to the cheeses of the cream variety like cream cheese, but all cheeses. They are, in general, very creamy good.”
Stop. Posting. On. My. Page.
I LIKE Things that are Uncool
Which brings us to the simple act of “liking” something. Por ejemplo, there’s a cool picture and so I “like” it. And so does everyone and their grandmother and I get 20,000 emails saying that they liked it too.
Uh, I used to like it but now that it’s popular I don’t like it anymore. Unlike.
I love Facebook so I can check in and see how you’re doing in your personal life. I’m talking about the milestones: got engaged, got married and now having kids. Mazel tov!
I do not, however, want or need to know every disgusting detail — got married, preggo but posts the C-section video, fights with new hubby online who’s not too shy about liking this other girl on the side.
With friends like these who needs daytime television?
Too extreme – positive or negative.
There’s always the one guy who’s so freaking positive ALL the time. Nothing bad ever happens. Ever. And, shocker, he’s selling feel-good seminars so you can be just as happy as he is for a reasonable fee of $500. Is that all?
Then there are those who are having a terrible, just no-good, rotten life. Every little thing bothers them. Especially the little things. And if Facebook changes their interface they’ll be the first to let you know how much they hate it.
Go ahead and think I’m petty OR enjoy the video again from SNL and check out the best Facebook has to offer that’s not in your feed.